I HAVE assault charges, two charges for threatening behaviour and a breach of bail charge. And I have borderline personality disorder. Do you judge me?
I can guarantee the majority of people reading this judged me as soon as they heard the word assault. When we read things or hear something, we judge. We rarely think to try and understand why a person is acting this way. Are we judging unfairly?
I remember the day my mother was sectioned for the first time. I was 12 years old, my mother’s mental state had crumbled. She was impulsive, aggressive and chaotic. My mother had always struggled to control her emotions yet wasn’t diagnosed until her late 30s. She died aged 45. And I wonder every day how nobody ever noticed for such a long time that she needed help.
Why did it have to come to a point where she was attempting suicide before she finally got sectioned and diagnosed? I think because she was judged … unfairly. She was from a scheme, she had been up at court many times. She fitted the social stereotype of her background. Nobody looked further than that.
For my mother the “why” was schizophrenia, bipolar and PTSD. I wonder if a doctor, or a school teacher had picked up on this earlier, would she still be alive today?
Would my early childhood have been less chaotic? Would my life be completely different?
As I sat there in a cold police cell looking around, I asked myself, how did I get here again? I had done it again, I lost control of my emotions, I let the rage overpower me, I blacked out, I turned violent on anyone that got in my way.
I have been struggling to cope with my mental health for years. I tried to get help from doctors and was turned away and told I just had anger issues. This meant that I felt trapped, isolated and angry with no-one left to turn to. Sitting in that cell was the moment I realised I had to make a choice. I could keep going on this downward spiral of courts and jail and have no future, or I could get a grip, I could get help, I could finally face the demons that I tried to drink away.
Today, I am studying to be a social worker. I also volunteer as a Young Ambassador for The Prince’s Trust, speaking at events about mental health and how giving someone a chance can change their entire life.
A year and a half ago I couldn’t even get a job interview. In the last year I have had two jobs, all thanks to the trust giving me a chance, looking beyond the convictions of my past, understanding my mental health, and looking at my potential.
Mental health is a massive issue and everyone deserves to receive the support they need in that moment, and not to be judged unfairly. Dealing with mental health is not easy, it takes time and patience to recover and you might even have to manage it for the rest of your life. But it gets better, it gets easier and you can get through it – I am a living, breathing example of that!
I ask you to stop, think, ask the questions that you need to, and listen, and then make your decisions and judgments on a fair basis. This way, we can start to show kindness in the world, and give help to the people that need it, before they lose their way like I did, or before they do the worst, before it’s too late.
You can watch Rees talk about his experiences in a TedX talk here.
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